('STRANDED' BY THE SAINTS )
# Like a snake caIIing on the phone
# I've got no time to be aIone
# There's someone coming at me aII the time
# Yeah, babe, I think I'II Iose my mind
# 'Cause I'm stranded on my own
# Stranded far from home
# AIright
# Stranded. #
(WHOOSH !)
Look. Can you beIieve this? Look how many sites there are.
PeopIe reaIIy care.
PeopIe are actuaIIy bereft at my Ioss. This is briIIiant.
This one's got first-hand sightings of you.
Mum, ShyIah said LittIe Ponies are for babies.
Does she have to interrupt? She can't see you.
Why can't she see me?
Oh, sorry. LittIe Pony's not stupid.
She didn't say ''stupid''. She said ''for babies''.
You're not even Iistening to me!
She sounds Iike a mean and jeaIous girI.
Sounds Iike a bitch. Can I say that to her?
Go for it.
Oh, hang on. Stop.
''Last seen onIy a week ago
''waIking a schnauzer in TouIouse.''
What the f...?
I think I went to a cheese-tasting in TouIouse once, but...
A what? The worId needs to know I'm aIive.
You're not aIive. Funny.
What can I do? (SIGHS )
OK, write this.
''When Jesus wandered from his cave,
''his discipIes asked that they finger his wounds, and he forgave them.
''Come now and finger my wounds.
''Know my pain.''
Are you sure this is a good idea?
I don't have good ideas.
I have briIIiant ones.
Won't this just make her mad?
Yes. She'II be furious.
And then she'II be guiIty.
That's what we have over women, Terry - their sense of guiIt.
I mean, after aII,
aren't I just a father trying to make his daughter happy?
(LIFT BELL RINGS )
(SIGHS )
(SNORTS )
(VERITY SQUEALS ) STEVE: Huh? Huh? Who's your daddy?
(GIGGLES ) Is it mine? You bet it is. Anything for my girI.
Hi, Suzy. Mummy, Iook what Daddy got me!
What's his name?
Gary, I think.
I want to caII him Cupcake.
STEVE: Great. (GIGGLES )
He can Iive on the baIcony. That's OK. Right, Suze?
VERITY: Can he, Mummy? Can he? Can he? Can he, pIease?
Of course. I'II see if I can find some oats.
And I think I have some carrots. Yes!
Great.
(HOOVES CLOP)
I am not doing the famiIy photo, Steve.
Why not? We're stiII a famiIy. It's fun.
ELVIS: The strata Iaws say we can't have pets.
STEVE: EIvis, I've got pIans for you and me.
What pIans? Secret.
Tomorrow night - stay over. Father-son time.
Can I go and get some carrots? Mm-hm.
Mum doesn't want to do the famiIy photo.
We aIways do the famiIy photo.
I know, sweetheart.
Fine. I'II do your stupid photo.
Yay! Thank you.
Come on, Terry. Let's go.
See you, Gary.
Bye.
(VERITY SIGHS CONTENTEDLY)
HENRY: Is he insane?
It's a fucking horse.
HeIIo, mate. I'm Henry.
(WHINNIES )
Oh, it's nice to meet you, King LeopoId.
No. No grass, I'm afraid. Just the, er...the oId tiIes.
(NICKERS )
Yeah, this is to be your home, I'm afraid. Sorry.
Maybe we should invite her.
The dentist? Mmm.
Let's caII her Suzy, so she seems more human to us.
She seems a IittIe uptight.
WeII, you were uptight when I first met you.
I was tight. Not uptight. (LAUGHS )
I think it'd be a nice thing to do.
WeIcoming. NeighbourIy.
I've got a good feeIing about her.
(LIFT BELL RINGS )
Off to cause pain - both physicaI and financiaI?
I beg your pardon?
It was a dumb joke about dentists.
Oh. (LAUGHS ) I actuaIIy reaIIy Iike the dentist.
At Ieast, the Iaughing gas, anyway.
It's caIIed nitrous oxide, actuaIIy. We don't use it that often.
Mmm. I guess not. (CHUCKLES )
How are you settIing in? Good.
Mmm. We're having a IittIe bit of a party on Saturday night.
Perhaps you'd Iike to come.
Uh, where?
To our apartment. A party.
Oh, I... No. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) No.
I don't think so.
Thank you. No.
Oh, weII...if you change your mind...
(SIGHS )
SUZY: Ahh... Ahh...
Oh, this is disturbing.
Oooh. Wow.
You have seven cavities.
How oId are you? He's seven.
Are you brushing?
Twice a day.
What with? Sherbet? Where's your mother?
I'II just ask her in for a friendIy chat.
A friendIy chat.
Ahh... Ahh...
Oh!
Just wanted to have a bit of a chat with you.
He has seven cavities. Right.
Seven. Yes, I heard you.
Is that going to be expensive? I beg your pardon?
We're just a IittIe concerned about how he got seven cavities
if he's brushing twice a day.
Maybe it's the IoIIipops.
What IoIIipops? Oh, he has a IoIIipop in bed.
Each night?
WeII, he won't sIeep otherwise.
It's pretty cute, actuaIIy.
His IittIe face. LittIe IoIIipop.
You'd better not be judging me.
Huh! (MUNCHES )
LoIIipops!
Can you beIieve that? I don't understand.
Who wouId think that that's a good idea? Huh!
What kind of worId are we Iiving in
where peopIe think that that is a good idea?
On the other hand, I have a pony Iiving on my baIcony.
Going to be Iong?
Can you knock? It's a Iot of effort.
WeII, try. What do you want?
We need to check - see if anyone's got back to us.
After work. Oh, come on. I don't want to wait.
Oh, aIright.
Can you do it on that? Mmm.
BIimey.
So, did Adam invite you to their party?
Oh, how do you know? Whoo! You know? Remember?
Mmm. I said no.
Why? Poofs have briIIiant parties.
You can't caII them poofs.
Oh, don't be Iike that. I Iove poofs.
(CHUCKLES ) No, you can't say the word poofs anymore.
Ginger beers. No, no...
Anyway, point is they know how to have fun.
Don't they? That Iot.
I went to a party once at MaIcoIm McLaren's house.
It went for 1 1 days.
Oh, God. Didn't peopIe get tired?
He had a big jacuzzi fuII of charIie.
It was briIIiant. I pushed someone down the stairs.
Ah. No responses.
What? Sorry.
LINDA: Mrs CarroI's here.
They just want me for my nitrous oxide, anyway.
Who do? The gays.
I mean, the...the guys on the second fIoor.
They invited me to a party. But they just want me for my happy gas.
Oh, a party. It'II be fun. You can make some friends.
I have to settIe the pony, and...
What pony?
Uh, Mrs CarroI, what can we do for you...?
Oh. Take a seat.
Yeah. That's OK. We see this aII the time.
Ian Dury.
I pushed Ian Dury down the stairs. (LAUGHS )
('CIGARETTES AND ALCOHOL' BY THE LEFTOVERS )
# Cigarettes and aIcohoI
# WeII, I used to be my mother's number one son... #
BO Y: SeriousIy. Can I have...?
# Cigarettes and aIcohoI
# Cigarettes and aIcohoI! #
Don't even bother unwrapping 'em.
That's not cheese. That's an insuIt to cheese.
You reaIIy Iove cheese. Mmm.
I got cheese poisoning once
from eating a whoIe brick of bIeu d'Auvergne.
Ugh. I've never regretted it for a second.
Light this for me, wiII you?
No. It's unheaIthy.
I'm dead.
I'm very anti-smoking. You shouId see what it does to your gums.
Yeah, Iet's penciI that in, shaII we?
Right after we've Iit this and checked that.
Fine.
I had a memory
that when I was IittIe, my dad gave me a cigarette.
That's appaIIing. Why wouId he do something Iike that?
Just reaching out, I suppose. Oh.
Oh, it's Ioading. Seven repIies.
That's a good start.
''Fuck off, you tosser. Angie, LiverpooI.''
What? Eh?
Hang on.
''Go fuck yourseIf with a broom handIe.''
What is wrong with these peopIe?
''This site is for peopIe who Ioved Henry, not for psychos.''
Nobody Ioved Henry more than me! Yeah, I'm sure that's true.
The next two are the same. ''Bite me. John Doe, LA.''
''Bite me''? Why wouId I bite someone? This is boIIocks!
(VERITY SCREAMS ) Oh! Verity! What's happened?
I went to pat Cupcake and he bit me!
His name's King LeopoId.
Oh... You're OK, sweetheart.
BareIy even broken the skin. Oh...
Maybe if you caIIed him by his proper name...
You just got scared. It's OK.
MAN: (ON RADIO) Questlon seven.
Whlch Amerlcan polltlclan was the jolnt wlnner of the Nobel Peace Prlze ln 1 973?
Nixon. WOMAN: Klsslnger?
MAN: Correct. Prick.
EIvis. Next questlon - questlon elght.
Ready for a IittIe man-time?
I guess so.
WeII...
(ENGINE REVS POWERFULLY)
Why the fuck don't they beIieve me?
Where's the imagination gone?
The internet's used by Iots of peopIe who are pretending they're not who they are.
There are Scoutmasters in Idaho pretending to be 1 2-year-oId boys.
You need to give them proper proof.
Proof? Mm-hm.
AIright. (CLEARS THROAT)
Take this down.
''A word to the Ieeches...
''..the Iosers and the IoneIy.
''Your ridicuIous doubts
''are Iike a feebIe wind
''Iost in the storm of my furious briIIiance.
''And the pueriIe barbs of which you seem so proud
''are mere Iimpets
''growing crusted upon my beautifuI baIIs.
''And so now I raise my two fingers
''in a 'fuck you' that is seismic.
''And with an atomic bomb made of my own fucking magnificence,
''I bIast you aII to kingdom come
''Iike the worthIess, shit-stained dogs you are.
''Love, Henry.''
Sounds a bit terroristy.
Are you sure?
Send.
I'm going now. Don't foIIow me.
Grass-fed.
FIinders Ranges.
42°% marbIing.
90 days aged.
ProbabIy the best steak in the country.
That's good.
(STEAK SIZZLES )
So...
(SIGHS )
It's good to have dinner - you and me.
So, how have you been? Good.
Must be pretty angry with your mum.
Not reaIIy.
You both aIways seemed...unhappy.
I was never unhappy.
Can I text? No. We're taIking.
(SIGHS )
Make your mark, EIvis.
Make...your...mark.
I thought I toId you not to foIIow me.
WeII, you're not going anywhere.
One thing that strikes me - I thought I shouId mention it.
You're a bit of a doormat. What?!
I just heIped you.
HENRY: Yeah, and I'm returning the favour.
By insuIting me?
Those kids waIk aII over you.
And that husband - you know what that pony is, don't you?
I think it's a ShetIand.
It's an act of aggression.
Oh, yeah. I know that.
Oh, you're smiIing Iike you won.
WeII, I did.
How exactIy is not giving him a boIIocking and Ietting him waIk out of here
Ieaving you with a horse Iiving on your baIcony winning?
It's a pony.
Where does the anger go with you, eh?
I bet it's in there.
Right now.
Laying the groundwork for cancer.
(SCOFFS ) Thank you very much!
That's aIright.
I don't...I don't want screaming and chaos.
I want a civiIised break-up.
That's... (LAUGHS ) ..a disgusting concept.
And, er, a Iie you teII to yourseIf.
I'II Ieave you to your tumour.
Ah!
Big day ahead.
Where are we going?
We...are going up.
OK. Let's roII.
Yeah.
Hee-ya!
Agh! Dad!
Dad?
Agh!
Let's not panic.
VERITY: Come on, Cupcake.
The coast is cIear.
Come on, quickIy. Come on.
Nice and quiet. (SNORTS )
Shh!
(DOOR CLOSES ) That's it, Cupcake. Come on.
OK, come on.
What if he runs and drags me?
He won't.
What a beautifuI thing to do for her. He's such a good dad.
He didn't give her the pony for her. He's trying to make me mad.
Why can't you ever give him credit for the things he does?
Oh, you don't understand, JonquiI.
I understand. You're just Iike our mum.
(WHINNIES ) I'm not.
Sometimes I dream about her.
And I'm in a cage,
and I'm reaching through to this ice-cream she's hoIding.
And finaIIy she hands it to me.
And I Iick it, and my face starts dissoIving.
And she Iaughs and goes, ''That's acid, you moron.''
I'm so not Iike her.
(ICE-CREAM VAN PLAYS 'GREENSLEEVES' NEARBY)
Can we have Mr Whippy? You bet we can.
No. Ice-cream? No, we can't.
Ohhh...
Verity, that crazy music - it spooks horses. I've seen them.
They go wiId.
Be a fun mum. Kids Iike a fun mum.
Steve gets that. He's very connected to his inner chiId.
He ls his inner chiId. That's the probIem.
So angry.
(SIGHS )
MAN: Come on, sir.
MAN: The great knob's decided to abseiI down the front of the buiIding.
(CHUCKLES ) We shouId be done in about five.
(GRUNTS ) I'm aIright.
Everything's under controI.
Thanks, boys.
(LIFT DOORS CLOSE)
Eugggh!
HENRY: Light, you bastard.
Big dog.
No dog.
Horse. In the Iift.
Oh, Rocco, you're crazy. A horse?
No animaIs in the buiIding!
You've got a probIem.
I reaIIy don't need any more character anaIysis right now, thank you.
Rocco knows about the horse. No!
Found a dump in the Iift.
Oh, JonquiI had me so annoyed I was distracted.
Bum, bum, bum, bum!
WeII, we need to fight this. He can't just take him.
I thought you thought it was stupid having a horse on the baIcony.
Look at him. Horse in an apartment.
It's genius.
These ruIes - they're just ruIes designed to keep peopIe unhappy.
What you need is a riot.
(DOORBELL RINGS )
A riot? Yeah.
Rocco. What have you got there?
Horse shit!
Oh, for the roses? No!
There's a...there's a horse in the buiIding!
But that's against the ruIes.
No pets.
No animaIs. Strata ruIe!
You need to come down hard on this, Rocco.
I am going to inspect your apartment.
Good idea.
Um, there's a few other things I've noticed too,
Iike the recycIing bins aren't being returned to the designated area.
Huh.
AIso, the main door is often propped ajar
when peopIe are bringing in their shopping,
which is creating a security breach.
Oh.
No names.
Rita.
She's a big shopper.
RuIes are ruIes. Yeah.
It ls your job, Rocco.
I'm happy do this between us before I have to bring it up pubIicIy.
(GRUNTS ) Great.
That was briIIiant.
Thank you.
A quiet riot.
I stiII shouIdn't have sent him a rat.
You're angry, frustrated. It's compIeteIy understandabIe.
ReaIIy? It was aIive. It couId have bitten him.
Oh. I assumed it was dead.
UsuaIIy peopIe send dead ones.
How did you get a Iive one? Caught it.
He caIIed me a psycho.
HurtfuI.
I'm just trying to get his attention back.
I mean, why can't he see that?
Sometimes peopIe can't see what they have in front of them.
Is he a good father?
I guess so. They have Wii.
That's so important.
My man is such a good dad. He's showering them with Iove.
And his ex stiII can't see how amazing he is.
Is that what he's trying to do?
Is...? What? What he's what?
Trying to make her see how amazing he is. Get her back, maybe.
No, no. He...he just Ioves them. Oh.
No. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
So wrong.
Time. No, it isn't.
Yes, it is.
(TIMER RINGS )
What are you doing?
I'm moving my winter shoes back and bringing my spring shoes forward.
Course you are.
Must remember to do mine soon.
So, how come you're not going to the party?
I need to cIean the windows in my room.
You mad bitch.
Scared of new peopIe and of fun.
No, I'm not.
Hmm. (SNIFFS )
What are you cooking?
Snappy trouty mound.
Oooh, Iooks IoveIy.
Mum, Tiffany's teIIing everyone that I'm Iying about having a pony.
Oh!
And that because you and Dad are broken up, I'm weird now.
Oh, you are not weird, sweetheart. These things just...happen.
And you know what I said about the thing with AIice?
Break in the conversation. That means someone's asked you a question.
Yep. No, you don't! You never Iisten to me!
Verity?
What the fuck?!
You've been banned.
WeII, they can't do that, can they? Come on, do something.
You've been barred. I can't do anything. They make up the ruIes.
No-one is going to beIieve you over the internet, Henry.
Got to go and taIk to Verity.
Oh, great.
Where does that Ieave me? Eh?
Stuck here in this shithoIe with you and your kids,
watching you eat pIastic cheese and rearrange your shoes for aII eternity?
Great! You know, there's other apartments.
Why don't you go and find someone more interesting to haunt?
(SIGHS ) Oh, wow.
That was great.
See you, Dad.
Uh, EIvis?
I, er...
I, um, want to give you some money.
OK.
Now, when your mother asks how today was,
you teII her it was...awesome.
Awesome?
Awesome.
You OK?
I'm sorry.
It's OK.
No. It's not. I shouId have Iistened better.
I want you and Dad to get back together.
We're not going to, sweetheart.
I'm sorry.
Hi.
How was your time with Dad?
It was awesome.
Awesome? Yeah. Awesome.
'Night.
Super.
MAN: (ON TELEVISION) Not sure who he was almlng for,
but lt makes lt awkward for Ferguson and makes lt awkward for England -
ln partlcular, Southgate.
(COMMENTARY CONTINUES )
Enjoying the game, are we, grandad? Eh?
Who's winning?
Mmm.
There's something about you, son.
And I just don't know what it is.
StiII, by the Iooks of you, you're not too Iong for this worId.
Maybe I'II just see you on the other side. (BLOWS )
Aargh!
(GASPS )
(VERITY SCREAMS )
He's eating them! He's eating them!
SUZY: It's OK, it's OK.
Who Ieft the baIcony door open?
It's OK.
(SIREN WAILS BELOW)
SUZY: Rita, what happened?
It's his heart.
Oh.
Is there anything I can do?
I didn't mean it. What?
I didn't know he had a dodgy ticker, did I?
What have you done?
You toId me to go off and haunt peopIe!
Oh, shh! This is what happens.
PeopIe get hurt. Shh!
(CROWD ROARS )
I'm Henry MaIIet.
Who the fuck are you?
(CROWD ROARS )
(FEEDBACK WHINES )
(CHEERING )
(FEEDBACK WHINES )
SUZY: A choko? Yeah, that's a fruit.
What? Are you bIanking me now?
You can't just ignore me, Suze. (PHONE RINGS )
Hi, Steve. Oh, here we go.
STEVE: You plcked up. Yeah, I did.
I heard you and EIvis had a good time.
Yep. It was awesome. Yeah, that's what he sald.
It's good that you did that.
WeII, he's my boy. I Iove him.
l just want to do rlght by my famlly, Suze. That's all.
OK.
Oh, and, um... thanks for doing the photo.
ReaIIy means a Iot to Mum. You're a champ.
OK. I'II caII you Iater.
ToId you, mate. I am a genius.
My serve.
What's the score? 2-8. Is Suzy aIright?
9-2.
What are you doing? I wasn't ready for that.
Be on your game or on the train.
(WHISTLES )
Yeah, so, apparentIy, they had a good time.
Just rockcIimbing or something.
You're stiII wrong for each other.
What?
You were miserabIe. He was miserabIe. It's time you both found happiness.
Oh! You've changed your tune!
No, I haven't.
JonquiI, you were about to have me committed for Ieaving Steve.
You're happier.
I think I need to Iet you have that.
It may have been my Iatent issues with Mum abandoning us that triggered my...
CompIete Iack of support.
Yeah. (LAUGHS )
I see now that you are so wrong for each other. You've shown me that.
Sometimes I miss us as a famiIy.
You need to be your own best friend,
and the onIy thing that teaches us that is aIoneness.
Maybe I need a best friend.
Aren't I your best friend? Um...yeah.
(SNORTS ) TeII me about it.
I know. It's way too smaII, you poor bastard.
You need to be running free, don't you?
(SNORTS )
WeII, I couId ask her, but we've had a bit of a row, to be honest. Yeah.
(CHUCKLES ) You think you're screwed?
I might have kiIIed someone.
His heart's never been good.
But what exactIy did they say?
A myocardiaI infarction. I-I think that's right.
I couId taIk to the doctors, if you Iike.
AII that passion, aII that Iove.
He's been a big, good-hearted man.
Yeah.
'Cause I know the technicaI jargon and it can be overwheIming.
You grow up a IittIe girI hoping you get someone speciaI.
And then you do.
And it's Iike a secret you hoId to you.
You don't teII anyone.
It'd make them feeI bad about their own partners.
What'II I do when he goes?
Oh, I'm sure he's going to be OK, Rita.
I don't want to be aIone.
No.
I think he saw death Iast night.
(PERSON APPLAUDS )
Is this what you're missing?
Bravo! Encore!
It wouId have been better if you'd thrown your knickers at me.
I'm in the middIe of a grieving process.
Oh, what? For yourseIf?
For my predicament, yes.
Is he gonna be aIright?
He wiII Iive, no thanks to you.
Good.
Because I wouIdn't want him to die. WouIdn't wish this on anyone.
Oh, get over it!
Oh, aIright, Mrs I'm AIive.
WaIking round Iike you're haIf fucking dead anyway.
Why? Because I have impuIse controI?
No.
Because...you...
..you don't know how to feeI.
Do you?
You don't engage. You...
I'm starting to feeI sorry for that husband of yours. Poor bastard.
Ice princess wife. Everything's fine. Everything's roIIing aIong.
And then bang! You're gone. Out the door.
Poor bastard didn't stand a chance.
I...
I feeI many things!
You don't even know. I am Iike a...
I have to Iive with this!
And you just...you expect...
..everything!
Oh! You're just Iike a...
Oh, you shouId just...go to heII.
Mr Henry. Rock star.
Why don't you just...eff off?!
(LAUGHS )
Don't Iaugh at me.
You dead...dick!
''Dead dick''?
BriIIiant.
That...that was briIIiant.
And about fucking time.
Excuse me?
SeriousIy, I...I nearIy fancied you for a second there.
Go to heII.
BeIieve me, Suzy, darIing,
if they were offering tickets to heII, I'd grab one.
With both hands.
I've probabIy got a Iot of friends there. Instead I'm stuck here.
And I don't know why.
Most peopIe feeI Iike that.
Like what?
Most peopIe feeI Iike they're stuck here and they don't know why.
(ROCCO MURMURS ) RITA: Sit here.
And I'II make you a nice cup of tea.
(GROANS )
Don't fuss, honey.
Let me take care of you.
(CHUCKLES )
You scared me.
Yeah. (ROCCO SIGHS )
You scared me too, you oId bugger.
(SIGHS )
ELVIS: The Release. A short fiIm by EIvis.
Are you sure this is the right thing to do?
Yeah. It's the right thing to do.
ELVIS: The story of a short animaI that couId not be tamed
and Iearned to Iive Iarge.
Come on.
The big moment was here. Free at Iast.
Free at Iast.
At first, freedom was a foreign concept to Gary.
Cupcake!
Sorry. Cupcake.
Bye, King LeopoId.
TERRY: Now, that name really suits him.
Bye, Cupcake.
(PONY WHINNIES )
Hey...Iet's have some ice-cream.
Yeah, OK.
Ice-cream.
Thank you for driving us, Terry.
No probIem.
You know... (SIGHS ) ..I'II heIp you anytime.
Oh, I know.
I might caII Steve. Yeah, yeah. Righto. Yep.
Steve, you're going to Iove this. (CHUCKLES )
(SIGHS )
OK.
Sumatran bIend. ShadecIoth. Fair-trade.
What's the grind?
Medium for haIf of it. Fine for the other haIf.
That is outstanding.
(GIGGLES ) Maybe we shouId go to the movies.
(PHONE RINGS ) I know this reaIIy great...
It's Suzy.
Hey, you. What are you doing?
I got rid of the pony.
What? Yeah.
Set it free on a IoveIy farm.
You what? That thlng cost me two grand!
Go catch it, then.
Listen up, missy.
You have no-one.
No...one. None of our friends have chosen you.
And you know why? I...
Because you're awkward and you're welrd. But here's the thlng.
I wiII take you back whenever you're ready.
You are such a mean person.
The famiIy photo - forget it. It's over. We are done.
I am not pretending anything for you anymore.
No... (HANGS UP)
You OK? That seemed intense.
I try and do the right thing, and...
I think it's time we aIIowed for the idea
that maybe this is the right thing for both of you.
I-I was bushwaIking once
and I saw a waIIaby trying to mount an echidna.
What?
You're an amazing man, Steve.
Maybe the universe, in its quirky way,
is setting you free to find...who knows what?
Maybe...something or...someone very unexpected.
Henry. Oh, f... !
I've got something for you.
(CHUCKLES ) BIoody heII!
GorgonzoIa. TaIeggio.
Vackerin. Vacherin.
And a St Henry.
Saint-Henri. But, yeah. (SNIFFS )
Oh, man, that is...
Oh, it's so good!
(CHUCKLES ) Oh, it's so IoveIy. Thanks.
WouId you eat some for me?
Oh, no, I don't reaIIy Iike it.
Steve was aIways buying cheese and then yeIIing at me for not appreciating it.
I'm not going to yeII at you.
Come on. Just try a IittIe bit for me. PIease?
Describe it to me. You know, taste, texture.
'Cause I...I can't.
OK.
GorgonzoIa. Mm-hm.
Like vomit. (CHUCKLES )
Don't piss about. Come on.
Ah, the TaIeggio.
Mmm. It's good. Good?
Nice. BIoody heII!
It's...it's...smooth.
Look, you need to...
Try to think sensuaIIy.
It's cheese.
Yeah. You need to...you need to expand yourseIf for cheese.
It's meIting.
(CHUCKLES ) Look, cIose your eyes.
Now...draw me a picture.
It's Iike Iaying in a fieId under a tree
with the sun softIy on your face.
BriIIiant.
Now you're getting it. Try the vacherin.
Mm-hm.
Mmm. It's... Yeah.
It's bareIy there, and then it...
And then it fucks with your mouth and something IoveIy appears?
Yes. Yeah?
(LAUGHS ) Yeah. Oh!
How weird.
What? What's weird?
Oh, it made me think of, um...
It made me think of when I was 1 6.
I went to the movies with my friend Lisa.
And, um...
And she Ieant over, and I thought she was just going to get a jube.
And, er...and she kissed me. (CHUCKLES )
Did she? Yeah. ReaIIy suddenIy.
(WHISPERS ) Put her tongue in my mouth.
Right. Mmm.
And then she just took the jube and neither of us ever mentioned it.
Wow.
I Iike that story.
Quite a Iot.
Oh, cheese. I miss cheese.
Life.
I miss Iife. Oh, I know.
ReaIIy, um, thanks.
I guess I'm just not that good with my Iimitations, you know?
MetaphysicaI or otherwise.
You may have been right about a few things regarding me.
ReaIIy? Me?
Mum?
Brittany said no.
Oh, to taking a teddy to the sIeepover on Friday night at Dora's pIace.
SeriousIy? Mm-hm.
Oh, weII, that's OK.
And your teddy bear's perfectIy fine.
ProbabIy wouIdn't want to have a sIeepover at Dora's house, anyway.
(SIGHS ) Thanks.
I have my uses.
(KNOCKS )
Hi. I said I wouIdn't come to your party.
I remember. It's fine.
(CHUCKLES ) Don't worry. Oh, I'd Iike to, though.
If I stiII can, I'd Iike to. Great.
It's 7:30. Bring a bottIe.
A bottIe? Yes, indeed. I wiII.
(SPLUTTERS )
(KNOCKS )
Hi. It's me.
What's that?
Nitrous oxide.
Right.
Most peopIe just brought chardonnay.
Oh. OK.
(CHUCKLES )
ELVIS: (ON FILM) The ReIease. A short fllm by Elvls.
TERRY: Come on, fella.
The story of a short anlmal that could not be tamed
and learned to llve large.
The blg moment was here.
Free at last. Free at last.
See you Iater, LeopoId. You Iucky fucker.
(PONY WHINNIES )
And so Cupcake goes to make lts way ln the wlld. For a pony llke...
Everyone went siIent, so I said, ''WeII, that's no way to treat pouItry.''
(PEOPLE LAUGH)
(LAUGHS LOUDLY)
Have you done the doII one?
MAN: Yeah, no, yeah, no. MAN: Oh, God!
(WHOOSH !)
Enjoying the party? Oh!
My jaw is Iocked in this dumb smiIe.
Hmm, yeah. SIightIy frightening. Mmm.
Did you break out the happy gas yet?
No. When I brought it, they Iooked at me Iike I was insane.
Crack it out. You've got nothing to Iose.
No, I shouId just run. No.
If they turn down the gas, then you've got an excuse, haven't you?
Otherwise...go on.
Off you toddIe.
(MOANS ) Go.
Good girI.
(INHALES DEEPLY) (PEOPLE LAUGH)
So it just seemed the next step was for us aII to Iive together.
Sometimes Iife can be kind of crazy.
Can I teII you something?
Is it something depraved? 'Cause they're my favourite.
I have a ghost.
(LAUGHS ) Dance?
Come on.
(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS )
(WHOOSH !)
I'm gIad you came.
Thanks, no, I've eaten.
So, what I said was, ''It depends on what shame means to you.'' (LAUGHS )
(LAUGHS ) You kiII me!
Henry!
WeII, this is unexpected.
What?
That you can dance.
FoIIow me.
WeII, I can smeII but I can't snort, if that's what's going on.
I want to try something with you, Henry.
Oh! Pardon?
Are you sure?
Can we go there again?
Don't see why not.
(WHOOSH !)
(SUZY LAUGHS )
Henry!
(LOUD GROWLING )
(WHOOSHING )
(PANTS )
(PHONE RINGS )
(PANTS )
(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING )
I feIt you.
I didn't want you to go.
(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING )
STEVE: Suzy.
I broke my tooth.
What?
I broke my tooth!
You feII? Uh-huh.
Oh, you've broken it in haIf! Oh!
I'm gonna have to puII the rest of it out.
Oh, it's a mess!
Steve!
Thanks.
You, uh...you Iook nice.
Oh, spare me.
You can't just waIk out Iike that, Suze.
It's unfair.
I didn't get a chance to taIk. I didn't get a chance to fight for you.
And now you won't even be in the photo.
HENRY: Say 'cheese'.
(SUZY CHUCKLES )